You're so nebulous sometimes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
