i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
