White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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