did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
