So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
