bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Pants are for mortals
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize