Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize