I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
