Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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