okay pat passed out under dana's car
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
