you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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