is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
