a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
