i permit you to call me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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