Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
