Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
