You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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