but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
