Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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