you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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