I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
