got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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