Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
