Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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