I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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