If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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