Betty ford says i'm here all night
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
