She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
