my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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