Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Im part way to drunk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize