he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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