Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is wine microwaveable?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
