I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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