So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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