trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We have so much sex to catch up on
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
