I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
