I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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