my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
