it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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