3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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