shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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