Who did Billy Mays play for?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
