Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just google imaged poop.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
