i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
