she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
