When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
