i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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