Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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