He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
