I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
