So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
