The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
