we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
