i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your cock deserves a montage
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
