I just saw a hot homeless man
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
