Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
