This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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