you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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