Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
