You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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