get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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