I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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