i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
