dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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