i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
